0r everything you always wanted to know about Cubs spring
training traditions but were afraid to ask.
Amor Fati.
It is that time of year again, an especially and poignantly
awaited and dreaded time for Cubs fans.
That’s right, it is spring training! I suppose you might say the same thing for all fans, but
being a Cubs fan, it is always a little more special and stressful.
Actually, you could write the whole scenario before it even
starts, just substituting names here and there. This year, maybe hope springs a little more realistically
than in the past, what with the arrival of Theo Epstein and his entourage.
In any case, this is it. All you ever wanted to know about spring training without
having to watch a single game or practice, read any interviews, or go through
any boring analysis of prospects.
First off, pitchers and catchers report in
mid-February. Everyone is looking
extra fit and ready to go. There
are always four or five non-rostered washed-up has-beens who have no chance of
making the team and are basically there to throw batting practice and eat some
early innings until the actual pitchers round into shape. Several stories will be written about
them, more often than not about their early careers or else human interest
stuff about how they grew up six blocks from the ballpark and how it has always
been their dream to pitch at Wrigley Field.
I have to admit that I was a little bewildered that Epstein
and company have continued this tradition somewhat by inviting failures from
the Hendry regime, notably Rodrigo Lopez, and failures from other teams like
Manny Corpas and Andy Sonnanstine.
I suppose this is a continuing tradition that no one can either
understand or violate. Not to
worry, by the middle of March these guys will all have gone home, retired, or
injured themselves in some way.
One of the fixtures of the annual rite of spring had been
the arrival of Carlos Zambrano, who invariably vowed that he was in the best
shape of his life, that he was a changed man, and that he would win the Cy
Young award or come damned close to it.
I read somewhere where Carlos had arrived at the Marlins camp where he
stated that he bore no ill will to the Cubs, that he was in the best shape of
his life, etc. Actually, I rather
miss this ritual. Readers of my
blog will know that I have a soft spot for Zambrano and that, notwithstanding
his many flaws, I thought he was a good pitcher and an entertaining player to
watch.
Also, of course, on the catching front, Geovanny Soto will
have either sprained a thumb, tweaked a groin, or stubbed a toe before the
first exhibition game has even been scheduled. Reporters will have noted that before hurting himself, he
looked unusually trim and fit, as did the rest of the returning veterans. This year, it was the groin.
Management will hold a big meeting and insist that this is a
new year and they expect everybody to play hard and hustle and run out every
ground ball. They are going to
emphasize fundamentals like never before.
That includes making routine plays and throwing to the right base all
the time, and so on. Once the
first few games are played and it is clear nobody has paid any attention to
these admonitions, all the announcers and writers and coaches will insist that
it is just spring training and that the games are meaningless and that players
are playing in unfamiliar combinations and it is hard to teach good habits
anyway so just shut up about it.
This year, notwithstanding that statistically speaking
sacrifice bunts are a bad strategy, the new Cubs manager Dale Sveum has
organized an elaborate bunting contest which has gotten a lot of play from
reporters covering Cactus League preparations. Unfortunately, the managers and coaches were allowed into
the contest pairings and right now it looks as if Sveum himself is likely to
win. So much for fundamental
skills.
As we edge closer to actual exhibition contests, reporters
will start interviewing the better prospects, or the organization will simply
put forth their comments. This, of
course, is a good chance for the youngsters to practice their interviewing
skills in the fashion of Bull Durham or the old Bob and Ray skits. The highlight will be statements from
the guys who have the best shot at stardom.
This year Brett Jackson and Anthony Rizzo are the guys. They will vow that they just want to be
part of the team and learn the fundamentals, that they are thrilled to be at
camp, they will take each day one day at a time, and play each game one game at
a time. Hey, actually, they have
already jumped the gun and done that.
Finally, they will categorically state that they are quite content to
wait their turn and they have no problems being blocked and going down to AAA
for another year while watching aging and overpaid mopes like Alfonso Soriano
and Marlon Byrd pop up on the first pitch whenever they come up with men on
base or strike out with the bases loaded the inning after they have misplayed a
routine fly ball into a triple.
This is what baseball is all about and it is part of the glorious tradition
of the sport.
One of the final preparations for spring training games is
the obligatory interviews with unpopular and overpaid stars who don’t get
it. Alfonso Soriano has stepped up
to this role for several seasons now.
He will be puzzled that he is the only Cub to be booed consistently and
conclude that it is because the fans see only his inflated salary and fail to
look beyond that to the real Alfonso who tries real hard and is a good teammate
especially now that spoilsports like Carlos Zambrano are gone, guys who just
want to bring you down and drag around that unnecessary burden of over-competitiveness
when you merely want to kick back and enjoy the game for what it is and watch
the glorious arc of warning track fly balls against the night sky as they plop
harmlessly into outfielders’ gloves.
At this point, hopefully merely to gin up the trade market,
management will step up to defend the star. Yeah, that eight year deal was a mistake - thank heavens it
wasn’t our mistake - but the guy still has some value, doesn’t he? Some of those lazy fly balls land in
the seats, man. I mean, now that
he can settle down in a happy clubhouse governed by a new regime that
emphasizes the fundamentals and is willing to sit around and teach people how
to bunt, he couldn’t be as bad as he looks on paper and in person, could
he? For crying out loud, we still
owe him $54MM, so shut up about it already.
All things being equal, the single greatest surprise of
spring training has been the admission by Cubs brass that they have actually
employed a shrink
to buck up players’ morale and teach them how to breathe properly. Not to belittle the man’s efforts, but
this brings back memories of the College of Coaches era and again Bull
Durham. Perhaps this is an effort
to revive the Neitzchean notion of eternal recurrence. In that case, let us embrace our fate
and play ball.
Crash Davis was unavailable for comment on this segment.
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